It’s time to start thinking about dating, settling down, having a family.” Happy anniversary!”ĭelia was usually pretty good about letting Lydia be herself, but there were certain things Lydia was sure she would never be able to let go. “Now, I’m gonna go have sex with both of your ghost parents. She figured it had come from the Netherworld and promptly added it to her pajama collection. It hadn’t been altered or specially ordered. He got her a shirt that said “world’s best no-longer-a-child bride”. She got him a mug that said “#1 husband” and had used all her artistic skills to sharpie in the word ‘dead’ between ‘1’ and ‘husband’. When Lydia was twenty-five, she and Beetlejuice got each other ten-year anniversary presents. “Until it stops being funny,” Lydia said, standing up and straightening her dress. “How many times are you two going to do that?” Adam asked tiredly from across the room. “Betrayed by my own parents!” Lydia sobbed. He clasped her wrists with his hands to stop her. “Who? Who stole you from me?” she cried, leaping to her feet. Don’t worry, it’s been going on for a long, long time.” “Alas, my bootycalls were too sexy for me to resist their siren call. “I know,” Beetlejuice said, throwing an arm across his eyes. “Lydia,” Beetlejuice said solemnly, hat in hand. “Sometimes I can still hear his voice,” Lydia said, wiping a fake tear from her cheek. “Quit telling people I’m dead,” Beetlejuice complained, invisible to everyone but the Deetzes. I know he’d want me to stay faithful to him, though.” “Tragically, my husband died shortly afterwards. Lydia put a hand to her heart dramatically. Margery gasped, “No! Why haven’t I met him?” “Oh, Auntie,” she said with mock sincerity.
Lydia fished around in her pocket for the wedding ring she kept there for this express purpose, slipping it on discreetly. Perfect for you-you simply must let me introduce you!” Lydia endured twenty minutes of prodding questions before Margery said, “Oh, and I nearly forgot: I met the nicest boy a few days ago. Lydia came armed and ready to this family reunion, and it was a good thing, too, because Aunt Margery came swooping in for the kill nearly as soon as she caught sight of Lydia. “Do you think I can claim the sandworm as a dependent?” There was a glint of mischief in her eye. Lydia smiled and stretched, looking up from her laptop for the first time in hours. “Hell yeah, cheat that system!” Beetlejuice cheered. “If I’m married, I get way more financial aid for college.
“Lyds, if you summon me at 3 am one more time, I’m taking away your summoning privileges.” Lydia, a senior in high school and stressed out of her mind, summoned Beetlejuice in the middle of the night. (Obviously, this is a platonic fic, please do not tag as ship!) I love lesbian!Lydia as much as the next person with functioning brain cells and good taste, but I also kind of love aroace!Lydia who is perfectly content to be conveniently married to Beetlejuice because there are some pretty fun perks to it, even without any romance or anything. Sidras-tak: beej and lydia stay married, no romo
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